It’s been quite a while since I’ve updated this blog. It’s all for good reasons, though! Eric and I have had a ….reconciliation.

Following my last blog post, we had a bit of a bust up. He didn’t want me seeing other men while we were dating, and I was mad at him for trying to dictate how this relationship was going to work. He even had the nerve to tell me that I needed to stop sleeping with my husband while I was seeing him. (Not that it would have been an issue – it’s like waking the dead with that man. But who is he to tell me who I can and can’t sleep with!?!?)

Well, that turned into a massive row. He screamed, I screamed, but we calmed down and came to a bit of a consensus. I would still see who I wanted to see, but I wouldn’t discuss that with Eric. He could do the same if he chose to, but we both made our feelings for each other clear. I let him know that at this time, I was looking for a no strings attached extramarital affair, and if he wanted more than that, I couldn’t provide. He understood what I needed.

Then the fun part happened. The make-up sex.

We were already at Eric’s place. After we were breathless from our back and forths, he leaned in and kissed me. Not those kind of kisses you see in bodice-ripping romance novels, but the kind where you almost devour each other in sexual anticipation. Kisses on the lips turned to kisses on the neck, which lead to my bra being removed for kisses elsewhere. We made our way back to his bedroom where we apologized to each other through our mutual sexual gratification, ending with a lovely shower and a bite to eat at the end of the night.

Yes, this is the type of extramarital affair I’ve been searching for!

My Marital Affair – Moments of Doubt & Guilt

The week went by with minimal contact between Matthew and I. Our time together was usually alongside other employees, so any shenanigans we could have got into were severely curtailed.

We completed the project after very long days and a good amount of stress, so I decided to use up a few days of my remaining holidays to take a bit of a break. My original plan was to go outside and work on the garden, but with the weather the way it was, I was house-bound for the majority of the time.

This presented itself with an opportunity that I would have never sought out originally. My husband works from home. He’s a graphics designer and he’s set himself up a home office where he can complete all his work. I hadn’t spent much more than a couple hours a day with my husband for months – both due to his working hours, my extended hours, and just a general disinterest in each other.

I could take this situation to really ascertain if our relationship was doomed and whether I should pursue my marital affair. My husband’s hours were generally later in the day, since the majority of his clients were based in differing time zones. He would be up around 11am, but wouldn’t have to be “at work” for a few hours. I found him attached to his personal computer once again playing his favourite game. I sighed, hoping he would hear me and turn around. No joy. I coughed. No movement. I waited. Nothing.

“Do you want to go out for lunch?” I asked him from the doorway.

“Hmmm?”

“Lunch. It would be nice if we could go to the pub for lunch. I miss you.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay.”

With that back-and forth, my husband and I went to lunch together. We had a few short discussions – hubby is not much of a talker. We made eye contact. He even held my hand at one point. These little thing, these small gestures, was what I had been missing for so long. I looked at him and began to remember the man I married seven years ago. Yes, I had rushed into it too early, and yes, he is not the “man of my dreams”, but he is my husband.

This conflict brewed something inside me that I haven’t been able to shake since that lunch. Guilt? Mourning? Frustration? I’m not quite sure at this point. I’ve got a good deal of self-reflection to do in the coming weeks. I need to discover if my union is just static, or if there is a chance to breathe life into it. My marital affair feels it is reaching a crossroads. 

My Marital Affair – the background.

Where do I begin? Well, at the start is probably a good place! I got married back in 2004 to a lovely guy I had been seeing over the internet for a few years. We had met a couple of times, and since we clicked so well, we decided to get married. I moved from America to England, got some work, and settled into married life. It was nice at first, but now, as stereotypical as it sounds, the “seven year itch” has settled in, and I’m BORED! The sex is alright. It’s routine, vanilla, and quick. I think that’s the worst part. So a few months ago, I started thinking. My eyes started wondering. My flirtations at work got a bit more deliberate.

I haven’t actually acted on my feelings yet. I’m not sure if I could, to be honest! I mean, I’m still decent looking and somehow (thank the Gods) I’ve managed to keep my high-school weight and the grey hairs are still not appearing. The guys around here seem to like my American accent. There are a few guys at work that seem interested. But how does one even start having a marital affair? My husband isn’t the brightest bulb in the box so I think hiding it from him wouldn’t be too hard. He barely notices me over the glow of his laptop while he plays those weird role-playing games for hours on end anyway.

I do feel guilty, though. It’s so hard to make the decision to step out on your partner. Even if you barely knew them before you got married. Even if they never really make you orgasm as well as you have in the past. Even if all you crave is mindblowing, anonymous sex with the hot twenty-somethings you chat up at the pub. Hell, my vibrator gets more action these days. I got married young and quickly. I don’t think I made a mistake – I think I just need to expand my options. Most chicks my age do that when they are unmarried. I just happen to have a ring and a guy who calls me his wife (when he’s not worried about “leveling-up”, whatever that is). Okay – maybe I don’t feel as guilty as I thought I did.

I’m bored. I’m horney. I’m scared. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know where to start. But what I do know that I’ve started on one hell of an adventure.