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It’s been quite a while since I’ve updated this blog. It’s all for good reasons, though! Eric and I have had a ….reconciliation.

Following my last blog post, we had a bit of a bust up. He didn’t want me seeing other men while we were dating, and I was mad at him for trying to dictate how this relationship was going to work. He even had the nerve to tell me that I needed to stop sleeping with my husband while I was seeing him. (Not that it would have been an issue – it’s like waking the dead with that man. But who is he to tell me who I can and can’t sleep with!?!?)

Well, that turned into a massive row. He screamed, I screamed, but we calmed down and came to a bit of a consensus. I would still see who I wanted to see, but I wouldn’t discuss that with Eric. He could do the same if he chose to, but we both made our feelings for each other clear. I let him know that at this time, I was looking for a no strings attached extramarital affair, and if he wanted more than that, I couldn’t provide. He understood what I needed.

Then the fun part happened. The make-up sex.

We were already at Eric’s place. After we were breathless from our back and forths, he leaned in and kissed me. Not those kind of kisses you see in bodice-ripping romance novels, but the kind where you almost devour each other in sexual anticipation. Kisses on the lips turned to kisses on the neck, which lead to my bra being removed for kisses elsewhere. We made our way back to his bedroom where we apologized to each other through our mutual sexual gratification, ending with a lovely shower and a bite to eat at the end of the night.

Yes, this is the type of extramarital affair I’ve been searching for!

Another week of work rolled by, and I started packing up my desk for my soon-to-be unemployment. Matthew seemed to pay me slightly more attention this week. Maybe it was the brief back and forths we had in the days before. Maybe it was the same sense of “why not? I’m leaving anyway” that I had been feeling for a few weeks.

 After mulling over in my head the small sparks that seemed to happen between my husband and I, I had decided to just let my marital affair take its course. Not to push in any single direction, but not to avoid certain situations if they presented itself. I almost had a sense that Matthew had an idea as to what was going on in my head, as his advances seemed that more outward and obvious. I almost thought that my co-workers were getting clued in to what was going on. I was certain that Eric – the younger team member I had mentioned in a previous post – knew full well what was going on.

 Matthew had asked me to go to the stationary closet and get some supplies for a board meeting that was to take place later in the afternoon. I thought for sure that this was a come-on, and he would meet me in the closet for a little rub and tug. After a few minutes in there dilly-dallying with the white board markers and poster sized paper, I heard the door close behind me. Rather that turning to see Matthew waiting for me, it was Eric.

 Without a word, he moved over to me and started looking through the various sizes of paper reams on the shelf. I moved to give him more room, but he just moved in closer. Was he trying to make his own move? He bent down and whispered in my ear – “people know”. I flushed beet red. If the floor could open up and swallow me down, it wouldn’t have been soon enough.

 Suddenly, rather than whispering in my ear, he was kissing me. Behind my ear, down my neck, over my shoulder that he had exposed my moving my top. I closed my eyes and drank in the moment. His kisses were soft and he was so ‘dreamy’. I felt like a teenager realizing her crush has a thing for her as well. I turned my heat and met his lips, and we kissed softly for the next few moments.

He stopped, leaned his forehead against mine. Looking right into my eyes, he quietly said “I can please you more.”

 My marital affair had taken a sudden – and unexpected – turn in the road.

My Marital Affair – Covered in Confusion..

After spending time with my husband, I began to seriously question my intentions to seek boredom relief elsewhere. My decision to cheat on my husband would more than likely never be discovered by him. This was completely based on my own emotions, just as my initial desire to occupy myself with other men was.

I thought that having a marital affair would excite me. The steps I had already taken had indeed excited me. I thought that getting another man’s attention would boost my ego. Matthew’s attention certainly had. I thought having sex with other men would expose me to experiences that my boring and vanilla husband wouldn’t even dream of. Or so I assumed.

I think I had mentioned before that I am the one to always initial sex in my marriage. I had tried to spice things up a bit, but it always ended up the same way – me on the bottom, not cumming unless it was by my own hand. Last night I decided I would do whatever I can to have sex with my husband that came close to meeting my own desires.

While I was in the shower, I called out to my husband to come into the bathroom. It took a few times to get his attention, since he was pretty engrossed in his computer game. He mumbled when he got to the bathroom about being in the middle of a battle.

“Babes, can you wash my back for me?”

“I’d like you to wash my back. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He took the sponge from me and rubbed up and down my back like he was cleaning the kitchen counter. I turned around to face him, and he stopped scrubbing.

“Keep going”, I said it him in my ‘sexy voice’.

More kitchen-counter strokes. I grabbed his wrist, and directed the sponge to my breasts. He gave me a puzzled look and kept on his circle-cleaning pattern. I took the sponge out of his hand and placed his palm back onto my breast. He smiled slightly, and looked down to the floor. I ran his hand over my soapy nipples and watched as the boxers he was wearing ‘changed shape’.

Moaning from the pleasure his hand was giving my breasts, I moved his soapy hand down to my pussy. His oversized fingers slid inside me and his callused thumb went to work on my clit – with a little coaxing from me, of course. After a few moments, I was cumming in the steaming shower, by my husband’s hand. The slight grin remained on his face as he watched me orgasm. When I was done, I looked at him, kissed his sweaty forehead, and told him I loved him.

Not quite the throw-me-down-and-shag me experience I was hoping for, but it may be a step in the right direction. Even if it did require more effort than I’m sure that any night with Matthew would entail. More confusion, more decisions. But at least I got a bit of sexual relief for now.

My Marital Affair – Moments of Doubt & Guilt

The week went by with minimal contact between Matthew and I. Our time together was usually alongside other employees, so any shenanigans we could have got into were severely curtailed.

We completed the project after very long days and a good amount of stress, so I decided to use up a few days of my remaining holidays to take a bit of a break. My original plan was to go outside and work on the garden, but with the weather the way it was, I was house-bound for the majority of the time.

This presented itself with an opportunity that I would have never sought out originally. My husband works from home. He’s a graphics designer and he’s set himself up a home office where he can complete all his work. I hadn’t spent much more than a couple hours a day with my husband for months – both due to his working hours, my extended hours, and just a general disinterest in each other.

I could take this situation to really ascertain if our relationship was doomed and whether I should pursue my marital affair. My husband’s hours were generally later in the day, since the majority of his clients were based in differing time zones. He would be up around 11am, but wouldn’t have to be “at work” for a few hours. I found him attached to his personal computer once again playing his favourite game. I sighed, hoping he would hear me and turn around. No joy. I coughed. No movement. I waited. Nothing.

“Do you want to go out for lunch?” I asked him from the doorway.

“Hmmm?”

“Lunch. It would be nice if we could go to the pub for lunch. I miss you.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay.”

With that back-and forth, my husband and I went to lunch together. We had a few short discussions – hubby is not much of a talker. We made eye contact. He even held my hand at one point. These little thing, these small gestures, was what I had been missing for so long. I looked at him and began to remember the man I married seven years ago. Yes, I had rushed into it too early, and yes, he is not the “man of my dreams”, but he is my husband.

This conflict brewed something inside me that I haven’t been able to shake since that lunch. Guilt? Mourning? Frustration? I’m not quite sure at this point. I’ve got a good deal of self-reflection to do in the coming weeks. I need to discover if my union is just static, or if there is a chance to breathe life into it. My marital affair feels it is reaching a crossroads.