Married sex - some thoughts…
[Posted March 17th, 2008]On the plus side - sex can be better in a marriage or LTR:
Three reasons why sex is better in a LTR
1.) Greater sexual frequency
The most obvious reason why sex is potentially better in a committed relationship is the general availability of a sex partner. Unlike the dating phase, most people in LTRs end up living together, which means sharing their nightly beds as well as their daily lives. This closeness often gives rise to more opportunities for sexual contact.
Instead of having to make a date to get together, and then trying to seduce your date into your bed, he or she is already there!
To counter this point some argue that sex happens most frequently in the beginning stages of a relationship, so "serial daters" have more sex than those in LTRs. But this isn’t actually true.
On average married couples have sex once or twice a week, which may not seem like very much to someone who is in a "hot" new relationship and having sex three times a day. But remember, married couples have sex once or twice a week every week, all year long, for years!
And some LTR couples have much more sex than that. Of course the frequency of sex also depends on lifestyle changes such as children, stress levels, etc. But even after all of these things are accounted for, the average person in an LTR still has more sex in a given year than the average single person.
2.) Easier communication means more satisfying sex
Couples who have lovingly and willingly committed themselves to each other share an emotional bond that is deepened by constant communication. They talk openly about everything - including their sexual likes and dislikes.
Once people are at the point in their relationships where they feel secure with their partners (knowing that ’saying the wrong thing’ won’t jeopardise the relationship itself), they are much more willing to be upfront about what pleases them - and what doesn’t.
For example, it’s a lot easier to tell someone, "You know, I really don’t like it when you squeeze my thighs so hard during oral sex. It’s too distracting…" when you’ve been with them for a long time than when you’ve just started having sex together. Said to someone in a stable relationship, the above admission will probably be received in a "Good to know, thanks for telling me" kind of way. But said to someone in the early stages of a relationship, the admission could be received offensively because the underlying emotional foundations of security that are needed to support sexual technique criticisms just aren’t there yet.
The open and consequence-free conversations that characterise LTRs usually lead to a very intimate understanding of what both partners sexually enjoy, making each sexual episode an opportunity for improvement.
3.) Trust allows for experimentation
Once all the talking is over, it’s much easier to put those communicated desires into action if both partners trust each other completely. Most sexual experimentation - from trying new positions to living out one’s wildest fetish fantasies - happen inside of LTRs.
Yes, there are instances when one partner refuses to do or try something the other partner would like, but usually couples are able to find compromises or alternatives. And once an activity is found that thrills them both, they can continue exploring it, and all its variations, to the fullest.
So the next time someone tries to convince you that marriage or commitment will ruin your sex life, remember all the reasons why this simply isn’t true. Healthy relationships are the best places to develop, explore, and deepen your own understanding of all the wonderful emotional and physical experiences sexuality has to offer.
On the other hand if you happen to live in Japan…
The survey of 1,400 people, for Japan’s Ministry of Health and Welfare, indicated that 39.7 per cent of all Japanese couples aged 16 to 49 have not had sex for over a month, a 5 per cent increase on the results of the same survey two years ago.
Doctors and anthropologists say that there are a number of reasons why the Japanese are giving up sex.
One is the lifestyle of many urban Japanese men, who leave home early, return home late and tired after a long commute and tend to spend weekends and other free time socialising with work colleagues or catching up on their sleep.
Women, too, are more likely to work and have less time to themselves.
Some couples do not expect to maintain a regular sex life after the arrival of a child and small, thin-walled apartments offer few opportunities for privacy.
Poor communication is also cited as a factor, especially among older people, who are constrained from discussing sex even with their spouses.
The Japan Sexual Science Association defines a sexless marriage as one in which there has been no sexual contact between husband and wife for over a month, and in which this situation is expected to continue.
Other studies have confirmed the impression given by the survey.
Japan came last in a table of 29 countries compiled by University of Chicago researchers into which had the greatest sexual satisfaction, (Austrians were first.)
The country also came last in a survey by Durex, the condom manufacturer, which found that Japanese have sex 45 times a year, compared with the average of 103.
In the past ten years Japanese politicians and bureaucrats have become preoccupied increasingly by the country’s declining birth rate, which threatens a demographic crisis in the next half century.
The fertility rate, the number of children that the average woman will bear in a lifetime, fell to a record low of 1.25 last year, well below the “replacement rate” of 2.1.
At the same time Japanese are living longer. A situation looms in which a decreasing number of working taxpayers has to support a growing population of pensioners, leading to budgetary collapse.
Various reasons have been advanced to explain the declining fertility rate — from the expense of bringing up children to the availability of contraception. But it may be mainly due to the most basic reason of all — that Japanese are giving up on sex.









