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The documentary "Diary of a mistress’ that I was featured in in 2006 has popped up again - this tme on Australian TV.  We had a whole batch of Aussies emailing this moring and the server was full of Aussie ip addresses.   Unfortunately it was not one of my best TV appearances but it has brought the site a steady flow of viewers/users from aroud the globe.

I just came across a very interesting personal adultery blog kept by an American woman where she chronicles a year of deception with her lover. The blog has in fact just been terminated this week as she has found herself within the marriage and plans to focus on hubby rather than the lover.  I found the blog a very interesting and different take on adultery as it was from the woman’s viewpoint.

People say to me "David, how do you keep in such good shape? You are a credit to middle-aged philanderers eveywhere."   I will now plug 2 gyms that keep me in shape:

PROLATES Pilates Gym at Soma centre in Kensington High St run by Kim and Jayne O’Brien.

Educo gym on Harley St who give me endless pain but good results.  I have read criticism of the Educo system elsewhere but I think it works well and I have recommended several people in their direction with great feedback.

So, that’s how I do it, if any blog readrs would like to share their secrets to stay ‘philandery fit’ please feel free to post here.

David

The best way to hide your married man status when you flirt on a singles dating site (of course you do!) is to see the ways in which you can be spotted/outed and how to avoid these mistakes.  So here is a good checklist that will make you identifiable as married on the prowl.:

Tip #1:
He chooses not to post a picture of himself online, or he posts a picture that may be very dark and difficult to pick him out of a crowd.
Most married men do not want their picture out there for everyone to see. They don’t want to risk that slim chance that some one they know could possibly recognize them. Instead of posting their photos online, they may choose to email you a picture to your personal email address. This is much safer for them, because it is not likely that you know someone that they know who could recognize their photo.

Tip #2:
He will likely be the one to initiate the first contact.
Online dating sites make it very easy for both men and women to initiate first contact. It can be an even split between you starting contact or the man starting contact. But, in most cases, the married man will send the first form of communication, whether that is a chat message or a short email.

Married men often times will use a short introduction and then immediately ask you questions to better identify your personality type. They will very rarely say much about themselves and what they are like in that first communication to you. Some married men tend to have a ‘type’ that they are looking for, but most of them just seek out someone who seems interesting to them. They may also be in search of someone who may seem very trusting and naïve, and someone who could possibly be easily manipulated. These details can be very difficult to ascertain for a married man who is new to the online dating world, but there are also ‘professional married men’ who do have experience with online dating and deception, and they know just the right questions to ask. The first few communications shared are what they use to decipher if you could be an easy target.

Tip #3:
He may be very irregular or erratic about his responses back to you.
Obviously, married men have ‘family lives’, so they may not be as available to get online and respond to you as quickly as men who are single and have lots of free time on their hands. If he seems to be responding at set times (such as 10 PM weekdays) and his responses are very irregular in the amount of days between emails, there is a possibility that he has a wife and maybe even kids at home that take up his time. It could also be that he is just a very busy person with either work or outside life events. But, this detail should closely be watched and scrutinized when meeting a new person online.

Tip #4:
He requests your phone number, but will not give you his number.
Married men will usually request your phone number fairly quickly after the first initial contact. He may use a line like “Hey, I’d really like to hear your voice on the phone. Could I get your number?”

If a man requests your number, but does not offer his own in that same email or chat message, you may not want to share your number with him just yet. It might be a better idea to write back, requesting he share his number with you first. Or you could choose to give him a cell number instead (read this article).

Whatever you decide to do, just be very careful with your first initial phone conversation with him. If you have chosen to go ahead and give out your number without getting his, be sure that you ask for his number when he does finally call you. Chances are, that if he is married, he is either calling you from a phone other then his home phone, or he has some blocking feature that will keep you from getting his number if when you use the number call-back feature on your phone (or call waiting).

Just because a man may not offer his phone number when requesting yours, does not necessarily mean that he is married or has anything to hide. He may just be one of those men who is very old fashioned, and refuses to have the women make that first call. But, if he is a believer in calling the woman first, he will more than likely tell you that when he replies to your request. He will probably also give you his number without any qualms. If it is his home number that he gives you, then you are probably pretty safe to assume that he is likely not married.

Tip #5:
His calls to you are very irregular, or are at set times.
You may be getting phone calls from him very frequently, or maybe the calls are more irregular. Married men have to call you on their own convenience. They may choose to call you late on weekdays or weekends, or they may call as soon as they get off work. They have to schedule their times around their married lives to make time to call you. Married men who work nights tend to call women while they are on a break. This could be very late in the evenings. Be very aware of the times that he is calling you. Ask yourself questions, such as

1) Does it always seem to be about the same time that he calls?

2) Are the calls frequent, or do they fluctuate?

3) Where is he calling you from?

Things like this are ways to identify if he could possibly be leading a double life.

Tip #6:
He will only share his cell number with you.
Most men who have nothing to hide will share both their cell phone number and home number with you. They want to be available for your phone calls. If a man will only give you his cell number, and is not willing to share his home number with you, then there should be red flags going up. If he is married, then obviously he does not want you calling him at home because there is too much risk of his wife or children finding out about you. Watch for him to use an excuse like that he is never home, and that the cell is always on him, thus being the “best way” to catch him.

Tip #7:
You have his cellular number, but constantly are forced to leave a message.
Again, this is a convenience thing for him. By you leaving a message, it gives him time to schedule when he can return your call, because more then likely he is with his wife or with someone that he does not want to know that he is having an affair. You may even have to wait hours before he is able to return your call, with some story about not having his cell on him, or the phone being in a place where he didn’t have reception. If it takes quite a bit of time for him to return your call, chances are that he is busy with family or friends and does not feel safe to make a quick call to you. Plus, he needs time to work out a story he can tell you as to why he did not answer, or why it took him so long to return your call.

Tip #8:
He won’t share his last name with you.
Married men tend to be very protective of themselves and whom they allow to know their true full names. They don’t want to give out their real last name for the fear that you could look them up in the local phonebook, or even find them in an online name search. If he is unwilling to give you his last name, particularly after you’ve entered into the phone phase of your communication, another red flag should be going up. You should be questioning why it is that he will not tell you his last name.

Unfortunately, there are married men out there who use aliases, so it is all the more difficult for you to detect if he is married or not. Trust your instincts, and do a little searching of their names if they give you a last name. You can even jokingly ask to see his “driver’s license” picture. If he gets real defensive then he may have something to hide (besides an ugly driver’s license photo).

Tip #9:
He is very secretive about where he lives.
In the first couple of dates, it is very understandable that neither party wants to share their home addresses. But once you two start to see more of each other, that question is definitely going to arise, especially if you have entered or are in the process of entering into an intimate relationship with him. He may insist that he has roommates and would much rather prefer to go to your place. He may also tell you that his home is just not ready for company, meaning that his maid has not shown up for weeks. But if he keeps putting you off about seeing where he lives, then chances are he is hiding something from you – like a wife!

Tip #10:
He does not divulge much info about himself or his family and upbringing.
As you start to communicate more over the phone and in person, you both really want to know more about the other person and what kind of experiences your partner has been through. Married men will do just about anything to steer clear of that conversation with you. They may turn the tables on you, and make you tell them everything about yourself, and get you to talking in order to turn the attention off of them. Some men may just tell you that there is really nothing to tell, and that they have lead a boring life up until they met you. They may even try to change the subject entirely, and get you focused on something completely different. Ladies, if he is not willing to talk about himself and his family and where he grew up, then he is definitely trying to hide something from you, whether that is his past, or his present.

Tip #11:
You never get the chance to meet his friends or family.
When people are truly interested in someone, they are extremely eager to share you with their friends and family. They want to show you off to the people who mean the most to them. With married men, this is not the case for obvious reasons. They do not want you to meet their friends or family, and they do not want them to meet you. You are a secret in his life, and you must stay that way. Instead, you will find that you are sharing your friends and family with him. When going out with other couples, they will be friends of yours and not of his. Be very aware of this aspect in your new relationship. If he is not willing to allow you to even meet his friends, let alone his family, then there is something wrong.

Info from http://www.onlinedatingmagazine

There is a great article in the april issue of FHM called ‘Infidelity CSI’ which gives a detailed report on how to know if your girlfriend is cheating.  It is written by women so it has better insight than many other articles on the subject.  It discusses ‘Behavioural Traits’ e.g She takes showers when she gets in from ‘working late’  or has mysteriously seen the new Coen Brothers film when she normally likes romcoms.

Check her phone records - is she more protective over her phone?  Avoids checking text messages instantly, leaves her phone on vibrate etc.

The article is full of great stuff, well worth reading, unfortunately it doesnt have an online link

I found an interesting post on the dontdatehimgirl.com site that was written by a guy.  I will pop it up here for your delectation.

1. Restless Brain Syndrome - Men who cheat are often afflicted with this ailment. They need to keep their minds busy in order not to stray.

3. Ego Reflux Disease - Guys who suffer from this have such huge egos that cheat just because they can. The opportunity to cheat is there and they are going to take it!

I think this is quite an accurate - if not complete - appraisal of the male psyche.

Here is an article from the university of the bloody obvious….

DEPRESSED women have more sex than those who are happier, regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not, a study of Australians has found.

A survey of Melbourne women presented at an international mental health conference has concluded that females who suffer from mild to moderate depression have a third more sexual activity than those who are not.

They also had more sexually liberated attitudes, a bigger variety of sexual experiences and, if single, were more likely to partake in casual sex, Dr Sabura Allen, a clinical psychologist at Monash University, said.

"It was more sex and more of everything from kissing to petting, foreplay and intercourse," said Dr Allen, who studied the recent sexual experiences of 107 depressed and non-depressed women who were in relationships.

"We knew this anecdotally from clinical samples but this is the first time it’s been shown in research."

She said depressed women were likely seeking out sexual intimacy more often to help feel more secure.

"When people are depressed they feel more insecure about their relationships and concerned that their partner may not care about them or find them valuable," Dr Allen said.

"Having sex helps them feel that closeness and security."

Asked whether intercourse could be an effective balm for depression, the psychologist said "we really don’t know but we presume it helps as it gives these women opportunities to be close to their partner and loved."

The team also is investigating depressed single women and has found a trend towards more casual sex than happier singles.

Dr Allen said Australian couples tend to have sex between once and three times a week, with "very much the majority in the once a week group".

Single women have it "significantly less", but the same is not necessarily true of single men.

The study, soon to be published in a British medical journal, was presented today at the International Congress on Women’s Mental Health in Melbourne where the latest research in mental illness and hormone-related conditions is being showcased.

New studies have shown high rates of severe PMS and post-natal depression among Australian women, a dramatic drop in the abortion rate, and a promising new treatment for Alzheimer’s disease.

Is it possible for a man to have a cross-genrational platonic friendship?  Daily Mail doesnt thinks so .  I think it is more than possible and I have had them several times where much younger female clients have become friends of mine and it never entered my mind to abuse the friendship.   I think it is very limiting to think that sex is the answer to all these questions.  I love the company of younger women and enjoy their take on the world - I derive pleasure enough from that. 

Whilst passing an idle moment doing some ego-surfing I came across an extraordinary reference to lovinglinks - we seem to have been the basis of an economics publication:

I was unable to read the final report since they charge $32.00   but it is amazing what you find when you follow google links.