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It is often said that adulterers have a high risk personality.  If this is your case you should make sure to have an affair in Agra India.  Last week a couple indulging in a sexy session were grabbed by the cuckolded husband, doused in kerosene and set ablaze - they died of course. 

Tallahassee in the States is no safer, an irate husband is in court for alledgedly hanging his missus for having an extramarital affair. Of course, if you want the state to give you a painful adrenalin rush then many muslim countries will oblige with a well placed flogging or stoning.

It seems that Anne Boleyn was guilty as charged by her husband Henry the Eighth.  New research in a book by George Bernard a historian suggests that Queen Anne had some royal ‘rumpy pumpy’ because she was pissed of with the king.    At the time there were even rumours of a bit of brotherly incest along with 5 possible lovers.  Not much we can do about it now but Cheryl Cole seems to be doing plenty about prize dork Ashley who has been given his marching orders.  The idiot who played around whilst married to the sexiest Geordie known to man has been given his red card - about time too.

From time to time we read that there is pressure to incorporate bits of Sharia law into the UK juridicial system.  Would we really wish to ever go down this route?  Take the example of Malaysia (truly Asia!) which is drifting slowly into Sharia appeasement and increasingly flogging their women who get caught having affairs.  It is only a short step from flogging to stoning

One of my clients is in for a flogging at least,  his wife found his spare mobile which did not have a password (careless or what?) - from what he told me a caning would be a good result.   On every mobile phone I’ve ever had there is a setup procedure that prompts you to create a PIN.  Let this be a warning, spare phones need a PIN too.

Are you bored with the Derby and Grand National?  No problem there, Paddy Power are laying the odds on celeb adultery break-ups.  Will Cheryl dump Ashley and if she does will Lewis Hamilton cruise on over and soothe her broken Geordie heart? (6/1 as first suitor)  If you think Ashley and Cheryl are the next celebs to bite the dust you can get 4/5 at Paddy Power. John Terry will get you 6/1 Tiger and Elin are there at 3/1.  Alex and Katie get slightly better odds at 7/1 but then the ink is barely dry on their marriage contract.

It suprises me that celebrities who can afford a cupboard full of diamond studded mobile phones would send explicit texts on their main phone.  What level of dickhead is Ashley Cole??  But then I suppose if the object of your affection is yet another topless model like Sonia Wild you would hardly qualify as the brightest match in box.   I would never normally encourage any woman to dump her bloke for infidelity I would urge the fragrant Cheryl to rid herself of this embarrassing nobhead.

Yes, Tower Hamlets is the top scoring adultery centre of the UK.  A survey of 3000 adultery petitions for divorce puts Tower Hamlets frimly at the top with 29% of the total compared with a measly 2.9% in Islington.   Even more interesting was the fact that of those petitions in Tower Hamlets 60% were instigated by the women.  Obviously the men in Islington are better at hiding their activities which corresponds to the high percentage of clients Loving Links has in leafy North London.

So another wag hires Max Clifford to spill her heart out to the News of the World.  According to Max she is the hottest story in town.   That John Terry has been shagging around is hardly a suprise but I suppose I should mention it in my blog.  What concerns me is whether this should impact on his role as England captain and if so, why?   It seems to me extraordinarily hypocritical that the ‘great and the good’ of football/politics/media etc should be sitting in judgement on John Terry’s sex life.  It was only the other year that Farah (fire alarm) Alam was throwing her knickers all over the FA boardroom and most of the miscreants got little more than a slap on the wrist.   Terry will suffer in his pocket - as did Tiger Woods - when the sponsorship dries up.  This is fair do’s - sportsmen get sponsorship dosh when they match up to the image they present to their public.  It is not fair however, to suggest that sexual misdemeanours stop them heading the ball into the back of the net or hitting a ball into a hole that most of us can barely see.

Apparently a group has been set up on facebook to stop an adult dating website (not us!!!) from running billboard posters touting their services.  If the posters are as tacky as their site then I would support the ban on the grounds of good taste alone.  I also worry about our sort of dating being brought too blatantly into the public arena, I don’t think it benefits a discreet adulterer lifestyle.  Not that the site in question has any interest beyond drawing in the punters.  I glanced at the site and it was full of impossibly provocative women  pouting at male punters.  Tits out for the lads and credit cards out for the site owners!!  Ah well, caveat emptor.

According to research at Sheffield University there is a severe shortage of homegrown UK sperm available for donations.  It seems that wome are having to go abroad or order a bottle-full online.   Solution!!!  A quick subscription to loving links and they can fill themselves to joyous excess free of charge and they will probably get a nice meal thrown in.  If speed is of the essence they can give me a call and I’ll invite them to our members party on Feb 5th in London where they can get a donation on the spot!

So the Tiger is in a sex addiction clinic on the offchance that Elin might come home.  We wish him well but does anyone seriously believe for one moment that he will ever hang up his clubs?  Once its clear that neither Elin or his sponsors are coming home he will be potting every birdie he can fit in.  

I had a potential client around to see me the other day, apparently he got caught shagging the nanny - Jude Law style - it seems the wife was none too happy and kicked him out from the marital bedroom.  He is still seeing the nanny (I love her deeply David, it wasn’t just the sex)  but now wants a spare to tick him over whilst he sorts himself out.  All this with a deluded ‘my marriage is important to me’.