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Virginia Ironside has a good moral dilemma in the Indie today which we are covering in our forum area if anyone wishes to contribute.

This is the dilemma:

Dear Virginia,

Yours sincerely, Susie

Lucy wadham’s article in today’s Mail deals with an interesting subject - extramarital affair in France. I concur with much of what shw writes.  I lived in Paris throughout the 1980’s and moved in a similar crowd of seccessful professionals and certainly most of our dinner party chums had affairs quite openly.  It was this spirit that encouraged me to set up LL when I returned to London in the early 90’s.

I have a strange mix of stuff on my pod but I must admit I enjoy strong ‘in yer face’ girl lyrics like the Pipettes or Lilly Allen.  As a bloke well in his middle years I find girls singing about the raw side of sex deeply alluring.  Occasionally I wonder if it is just to tittilate or if it really expresses what women (especially under 40) are thinking/feeling/doing.

We had a great post on our forum from a member who is young and articulate and I felt it captured the spirit of ‘now’ in the sexual heartlands of the UK:

Ok I am going to stick my head on the block here.

And I get to do my own thing and don’t have to wash his boxers.

I’d be fascinated to know if this feeling resonated with our more ‘mature’ female users.

We have recently been discussing in our forum the use of bots on dating sites to trap the unwary into parting with hard earned cash.  Basically the bot will send sexy emails and signs of erotic encouragement to encourage you to sign up.  Then, of course, the bot vanishes.  Slightly different is the use of ‘hosts/hostesses’ to ‘enhance your dating experience’ i.e to polish your  fantasies.  The existence of these hosts are tucked away in the small print on many dating sites.  A typical small print would be from ashley madison’s site:

E. Market Researchers (Online Hosts)

From time to time this service may include, offer or initiate winks, collect messages or instant chat from Market Researchers (Online Hosts) identified as attached or single men or women seeking "Cyber Affairs or Erotic Chat" for market research and/or customer experience and/or quality control and/or compliance purposes. Market research information is used to provide analysis, feedback, trends, patterns, social commentary and information in the aggregate and aides in the process of monitoring our system for compliance with our operating standards and Code of Conduct. Any member may set their "Limits" as a "Cyber Affair or Erotic Chat". Accordingly, Market Researchers (Online Hosts) will NOT be conspicuously identified and will NOT physically meet or agree to be contacted outside of the Ashley Madison System. We do not guarantee the authenticity of any member using our site. Any interaction or communication with Market Researchers (Online Hosts) is independent of, and separate from, our general database of Member’s seeking personal or physical or other kinds of encounters or introductions. You accept and acknowledge that any written statements, mail messages or instant messages made by Market Researchers (Online Hosts) are provided for "entertainment" purposes that serve to enhance the user’s personal online experience. Profiles categorized as "Cyber Affair or Erotic Chat" may be unwilling/unable to physically meet in person, speak over the phone or engage in any other type of communication other than the methods provided by our service features. If you do not wish to be contacted by Market Researchers or Online Hosts go to ‘Manage Profile’, then ‘Profile Settings’ and click this option: "Check this box if you do not wish to be contacted by Market Researchers or Online Hosts", then SAVE.

It’s all above board,legal and there in the t&c should you care to look for it.  Here at LL we don’t do these strategies - any contacts you get are genuine (except for the odd Nigerian scammer) and we don’t pay anyone to tempt you in to joining.  It is worth checking out terms and conditions on cointact sites to see if they actively ‘enhance’ your time with them by teasing you and tempting you.

There is something so ‘biblical’ in the concept of adultery that it makes reasonable discussion quite difficult at times.  A quick glance at Google brings up endless biblical references that place adultery alongside murder and killing your parents.  Adultery is something you ‘commit’ like murder whilst an ‘having an affair’ is something you ‘enjoy’.   Part of my mission in life has been to help people be less judgmental about extramarital sex but that damned word ‘adultery’ keeps getting in the way.    I was just toying with all these semantics because I have been asked to contribute to a programme about ‘adultery’ on Radio this Summer and the very subject shows how the producers wish to present the subject - in a bad light!  They didn’t ask me to help on a programme about ‘philandery’ or ‘affairs’  - the material would have been similar but the producers already see the people involved as adulterers and adulteresses rather than ‘ladiy’s men’ or  ‘naughty housewives’.    I am not sure if I will take part until I know if the ‘God Squad’ will contribute.  I’ll keep you posted on this.  Sorry if all this has been a bit ‘philosophical’ but it was on my mind.

I just spotted a poll from some S.African facebook posting and I pass you the link.  The question is an old chestnut:: is sex better with a secret lover or a regular partner?   Well, I suppose that’s why we are all here isn’t it?  We all think a secret lover is going to give a better/different buzz to your regular squeeze.   Quite often you can be disappointed and realise that once past the fantasy the actual sex can be quite mundane and less reassuring than with a regular partner. Of course for a lot of people who are in a fairly celibate relationship anything is an improvement!  Sex with a secret lover can of course be more adventurous and experimental.  If you’ve been married to someone for 20 years you are unlikely to spread peanut butter on their nipples.  New tastes, new smells, new pillow whispers, it’s like Xmas morning with a new pressie to unwrap.

The appointment  of Carlo Ancellotti is great news for adultery spotters like me.  The departure of Sven left a gaping hole in sporting infidelity.  I am certain he will provide my blog with lots of juicy pieces in the coming season.  The News of gthe World boys must be putting together a dedicated Carlo squad - I ‘m sure it will reap rewards.

Well, Sally Antia and Mark Hawkins have come a cropper in Dubai after being found guilty of adultery.  It is a funny place.  i remeber back in the 80’s when I was in ubai on business with my partner - we weren’t married - we were there on a business trip invited by the UAE Govt and we booked seperate hotel rooms so as not to offend our hosts.  The Gulf arabs take extramarital stuff very seriously and as many Brits have found , you play with local mores at your own peril.

One of the things that is endemic in the consultancy 1-2-1 side of my business is the ‘no-shows’.  You book a meeting and the client doesn’t turn up and their mobile is suddenly on permanent voicemail.  Or, even more annoyingly the mobile number they gave you is ‘not recognised’.   Over the years we have had some classics.  There is a guy who phones me about once every 18 months and it is always the same story - he and his wife are looking for a threesome/foursome etc and wish to meet me to discuss options.  The first time around i actually sat like an idiot at a hotel bar for 45 minutes before I realised it was a ‘no-show’ now I just let him tell me all his rubbish and ask for a number to call him back on to confirm.  The number never works.  THen 25 mins later he calls me agin thinking we are another company and the whole nonsense continues.  This week I had another beauty.  A woman with impeccable diction phoned to book a meeting, she was a bit flaky and nervous so I took her mobile number.  She was a no-show (an hour wasted) but she was kind enough to send me a text telling me she was sorry but she just decided to ahve her appendix out that very morning!!!  She did however think she would be up and running in 48 hours.   Wow! Surgery has certaiinly improved since I had my appendix out -  I was out of action for weeks.

Later today I am booked to talk on BBC radio Northants on the subject of elderly 50+ sex - ‘wrinkly sex’  ‘grey sex’ whatever you wish to call it.  It is something I indulge in personally at regular intervals and something hundreds/thousands of LL users enjoy too.  They are doing a discussion programme because so many ‘elderly’ ladies are getting STI’s from nookie that it is presenting a previously unknown medical phenomenon.   Very often women say to me that they never enjoyed sex until they found us and started taking lovers once their nest were empty.  I think that for the baby boomers we are all happily enjoying sex until we receive a government letter instructing us to stop!   I can’t imagine my old mum having sex at 60 but the world has changed and for older ladies and gents it has changed for the better.

Now that Summer has finally arrived does it make you feel hornier and more restless??  I know it does me; it is something in the air.  As Henry Miller put it in ‘Quiet Days in Clichy’ it was a ‘period when cunt was in the air and the English girls were at the Casino de Paris’   It is as if all the pheromones are battling for attention and there is a sexual adventure sitting at every cafe table and waiting just for you in every pub garden.  This last week  we have had quite a few old  clients turn up with chirpy optimism and said ‘I fancy giving this another go David!’  You can see see the Summer skies reflected in their faces as they get geared up for the fray.  Not just the men, of course, women clients have been popping out of the woodwork and in to Summer frocks and see-thru blouses.  We are going to have a wonderful season here at Loving Links…. I can feel that in my….

David